nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
I got inside last night via doggy door
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
