That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Randomize
