I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
