im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
Randomize
