i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
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