My cat gives me a boner
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
