i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
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