I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
Randomize
