Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Randomize
