A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Randomize
