i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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