She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
