walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
Randomize
