would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
are you so shy because you have an std?
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Randomize
