Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
True strength comes from lack of pants
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