She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
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