Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
