I'm lost and stupid without you.
The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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