Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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