Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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