mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
It's never too late to be topless.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
They have beer where we have blood.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize
