No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
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