I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
