how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
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