He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
Semen is not good for contacts.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
