hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize
