great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
