The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
