I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
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