lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
