Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize
