But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Randomize
