Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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