Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
He shit in the fireplace
Randomize
