i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
