A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
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