Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
