i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
Randomize
