I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
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