Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
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