Cold hands, warm shart.
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
Randomize
