I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
