Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
