I swear she didn't look like that last week.
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Randomize
