Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
I think I just saw someone hide a body.
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Randomize
