i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
Randomize
