i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
Randomize
