I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
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