Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
