The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
