hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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