I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
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