he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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